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Tips for separation anxiety
by Paula
Yount
Mother-to-Mother.com
Reprinted
with permission from the author.
Here are some ideas that may help make things go smoother when
baby is going through a separation anxiety stage:
- Be calm and consistent.
- It helps to create a good-bye ritual - give hugs & kisses and
then say good-bye - and GO. Don't come back (it makes it worse
for baby (and you), just go.
- Separation/return games, and short practice separations are
quite helpful. If baby is not comfy with dad or another caregiver
just yet, try playing games with baby, like peek-a-boo and "where's
the baby?"
- You can play peek-a-boo with baby's feet: With the baby lying
on his back,
lift the legs so baby's feet hide your face, (body is in an "L"
shape) and
then say (play) "Peek-a-boo!" as you open the legs wide
& "peek" through the
baby's feet. Most babies catch on to this really quick and love
to open
their legs themselves to "find" you.
- When you play “Where’s the Baby?”(or "where's
[insert baby's name]), you drop a lightweight cloth (receiving
blanket, hand towel, cloth diaper, etc.) over your baby’s
head, ask, “Where’s the baby?” and pull the
cloth again grinning and saying, “There you are!”
This is a game most babies LOVE! They usually have a blast pulling
the cloth off and laughing. You can put the cloth over your own
head, too. Taking the game one step further, you can partially
hide behind a chair or around a corner where you will be easily
discovered. To incorporate Dad.. take the baby and say "Where's
Daddy?" and he can peek out, or you can "sneak"
to find him. Then as baby relaxes and enjoys the game (knows what's
coming), DAD can take baby and find you. Then later, when you
have to go, have Dad play this game with baby "one on one".
- You can also incorporate hiding and finding toys.
- You can use "practice separations", for example, you
tell your baby that you will be going to another room and that
you’ll be right back (even though the baby will not understand
the words yet). (i.e. mommy's got to potty, be right back) Then
have dad stand outside the bathroom door and do the "where's
mommy?" you can also call her..."Moooommmmmyyyy?"[soft
and gentle question] and then "where's mommy?" I hear
mommy.. and YOU talk to baby thru bathroom door.
- Once you open the door, you can say something like “Hello!”
or "There she is!". (note: “Bye-bye” is
one of the first words most babies learn. It can be good to teach
them "hello" too!)
- Prior to returning to work, practice being apart from each other,
and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning
to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then
invite that person over in advance so baby can get to know that
person and feel comfortable. It's also good to have a week of
"dry run" (two if you can), where you start out with
1/3 day (a couple hrs) then 1/2 day, then when it's time, the
"full day". This gives baby and you time to adjust and
also to work out any kinks that may arise.
- If Dad is going to be caregiver, have him take over some of
the care of the baby beforehand. Bathing, reading a story while
you hold baby on your lap (you want to make it a gentle, gradual
transition if possible), going for walks in stroller (go to mall,
give dad the stroller with baby and practice walks and brief "separation"
from you (i.e. go behind clothes and play "peek a boo"
a few times). Have dad put baby in high chair and offer snacks,
cup of water, etc. As he gets more "hands on" with baby,
baby accepts that he's "okay" to offer care while you
are gone.
- For brief dates out with dh, have grandma or other friend or
relative come over for several days in a row, for a couple hrs,
or take baby there to visit, so baby "knows" this person
(not a complete stranger to baby). Do short runs first (i.e. 30
min or so at first) then graduate to longer time away. Nurse JUST
before leaving, kiss baby and go. Things WILL be okay.
- Baby's favorite items, blankets or stuffed animals, can help
baby feel more secure, too.
- Keep in mind that it's harder on baby (separations) if baby
is tired, hungry, or sick. Whenever possible, try to time separations
when they are happy, awake/alert, and well.
Added to website:
6/16/2003
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