KellyMom

Please expect me to be busy. That is my developmental job. Please remember that I don’t need to do things well, I just need to do them. I like it when you tell me what I am doing, not how well or how poorly I am doing it. If you keep telling me that I do things well, that I am smart or cute or brave or spunky, I get mixed up and I think I have to act those special ways to please you. When you tell me what I am doing, when you say, “Andrew is climbing on the sofa,” I feel loved for being who I am and the age I am.

“In the beginning, all you have to cram into the baby is milk and vitamins, but one day the pediatrician will say, ‘Now you may start the baby on mashed banana.’ Or baby cereals. Or something mushy. Here again, it is easy enough for the pediatrician to say it. He doesn’t have to come and get it into the baby. That’s your department. Should you feed him the mashed banana BEFORE he drinks his milk, when he’s very hungry and therefore much more likely to try something new?

Please be glad that I’m growing up, even though I am doing my separating by acting contrary and stubborn and by saying no thirty-seven hundred times a day.

Please let me continue to be dependent on you even though I act very independent and say, “I don’t want you.” I still need to be held some and protected.

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Use a meat baster to “squeeze” your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you’ll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

Dear Kids,

Don’t be alarmed; the world isn’t coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about 30 minutes and will involve soap and water.

Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn’t, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I’ve got energy for. (Which reminds me, I’m all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing God said to them was: “Don’t.”

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication skills and be willing to work various hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room.

“God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.”
—– Jewish proverb

“If you plan for one year, plant rice. If you plan for 10 years, plant a tree. If you plan for 100 years, educate a child.”
—– Chinese proverb

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.”

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.